Sunday, September 28, 2008

She is. I AM.

She is immediate. I am Perfect Timing.

She is happiness. I am Joy.

She is condemnation. I am Mercy.

She is terror. I am Peace.

She is blame. I am Forgiveness.

She is pimp. I am Shepherd.

She is cleverness. I am Wisdom.

She is murder. I am Life.

She is passing out. I am Rest.

She is dust. I am Garden.

She is smoke. I am Air.

She is accessory. I am Friend.

She is clique. I am Unity.

She is self. I am Sacrifice.

She is a while. I am ETERNITY

and I Love you.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Happy Birthday, Love!

  • Happy birthday, Kevvie!
  • Hope you loved your cinnamon roll.
  • Hope you get a big ol' turkey with Alan.
  • Hope your ankle doesn't hurt you.
  • Hope the weather makes you happy.
  • Hope you do whatever you want.
  • Hope we accomplish things that you feel good about getting done.
  • Hope you enjoy encouragement and inspiration today.
  • Hope dinner turns out well.
  • Hope the boys call you.
  • I wish you Jesus all day long.
You are the most patient, loving example of Him to me. Thank you, Lord, for the day he was born. I am so ridiculously blessed. XO

Friday, September 26, 2008

here for you

I am a pencil to write on your heart reminders of a titanic love for you.

I am arms to wrap around you and caress your face so you can feel love against your skin.

I am a cup of warmth to hug your insides.

I am the punch line that makes you laugh after crying your heart out.

I am the soup that fills your bowl and helps you sleep.

I am backbone when your courage fails.

I am the wall that defends you from the bad.

I am the quiet that quells the cacophony.

I am the words that broadcast your need.

I am the sunrise against the sunset.

I am your friend, your helper, your shoulder and encouragement.

I am the Body.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Lunch With Jamara

I had lunch with "Mawa" the other day. I was with her for about five hours, and I marveled afterward at how I could've easily spent another five. She got me caught up on all the family fronts and her condition, Adult Stills. That she could go through all the physical and emotional struggle she faces and still be SO up, so full of hope and joy and expectation is nothing short of the miracle of His life in her. I love her perfume--it is the fragrance of Christ. My insides are all warmed and hugged up by the time I leave her company, even if I arrived a first class case of snarky. I think she got that gift from her precious mama. Isn't she beautiful?

She sits on a booster chair to make it easier to get up because her knees are swollen and painful. Isn't she adorable?

She offered me some gum, and I thought she'd pull out a stick. She pulled out a pack, then another and another and another until she'd pulled out seven! She had an eighth, but she gave that one away. "I'm trying to find my favorite gum." Isn't she interesting?

The padding on her crutches has become molded to fit each particular arm shape, so she labeled them left and right. She's going to back over the lettering with fingernail polish to make it pretty and permanent. Isn't she clever?

I love this little girl. She's been through so freakin' much, and she still stands strong and brilliant and inspiring. I wish I had half the life in me that she does. So much goodness, kindness, intelligence, laughter, joy, and love. Abba, please heal her body. Touch her and make her body healthy again. I know You can. Please want to.

next time

Next time I would like:
  • the same people to not take up so much of the time talking and be glad not to. We all have stories; let's share the time more evenly.
  • the quieter people to be noticed and asked questions. I'd like to hear from them too.
  • more summaries and less detail in the interest of brevity.
  • you to skip ahead if we tell you we already know the preface of this story. We don't need to hear it again unless you're adding something to it that we didn't already hear the first time.
  • to not wash the dishes as many times as I did.
  • to not care that I washed the dishes as many times as I did.
  • everyone to think these are reasonable thoughts too and not be offended.
  • to be brave and wise and discerning enough to know if/when to bring these things up in person because for now I'm not, which is why I saved this so long as a draft and am only publishing it plenty after the actual event. Yep, totally coward. Judge on.

Monday, September 22, 2008

on getting older

There are a gillion blog posts and comments out there by women in their 20s who are worried about aging. I'm almost 48, so when I think I'd like to look the ten years younger that beauty products tout, that sounds pretty good--38.  But if you're 27, that'd make you 17--how bad can you look at 27? Wish I could tell them from this side of the hill that they'll never look or feel this fine again and to just take care of themselves and enjoy.

My 30th high school reunion was this summer, but I didn't go. I didn't feel the need or desire. I keep in touch with a handful of friends from my class, and that's perfect for me. It was fun to see the pictures though.
I felt a little voyeurism coming on because I was able to "see" them, but they couldn't see me. [Is that a power thing when we find ourselves privy to a sight or conversation that they thought was private? Fodder for later.] I had no idea who some of the people were so a friend who did attend identified for me the ones she recognized.

I do have a point. One of the things someone wrote in a follow-up email on the reunion was that it was a good time to get together and check in with people, that it's a time in life when you're comfortable with who you are, you've experienced some success, some humbling, some real life, and you know what's bottom line important. Seems like that's a good handle on what it means to finally be comfortable in your own human skin. That's beautiful, and it's true for me for the most part. I only hope it gets even better with age.

While I do admit that vanity is one of my faults (I do NOT leave the house without foundation AND eyeliner AND decent hair), I am grateful that it is not something I dwell on for large amounts of time. From what I understand of the raging effects of menopause, this could very well become a greater beast with time. However, for now, the raging effects of self-absorption, self-protection, and neglect are my battlefronts, things that will lead to the kind of regret people remember in their old age. And I mean, I was never beautiful anyway, so there's not that to grieve. Outer beauty always, always, always fades. But my personality and character--they have the potential to improve with age!

Better get back to work on that. Right after I fix my lipstick.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


Kev & I are discovering more and more that we were so blessed growing up to have decent, loving, God-fearing parents. We are always a tiny percentage of the people in a group who didn't suffer some kind of trauma in childhood. That's pretty ghastly, considering the higher degree and prominence of morality in our parents' generation.

On a cheerier note, let's talk about me. I had a great childhood. Given the prevalence of traumatized people around me, I almost feel guilty about it. Almost. I grew up on five acres. My mom stayed home and took care of us, including working like a horse in the house and yard. My dad worked hard all day long, then he'd come home and work hard all evening, often with all of us helping. We were raised to respect our elders, have good manners, honor God, run away from cars that slowed way down to lure you into them, use your money wisely but still have some fun, wear clean underwear, eat all the food on your plate because people in China were starving, and clean up after yourself. The same stuff all my friends learned. We played in haystacks, hid in huge trees, rode bikes to the store and bought penny candy, rode horses to ponds and swam around saddle and all, and ice skated on those ponds after my dad skated around it with a broom to clear the snow. Then we'd sit around a fire to warm up and drink hot chocolate from those Thermos containers with the fragile glass innards. Yeah, the ones that actually kept things hot.

You can picture here the stuff movies are made of: cotton candy skies, butterfly fairies, enormous round moons, firefly twinkles, and the music that only the pure in heart hear and then enter into with dance. I know I'm guilty of the tendency to romanticize the past, omitting subconsciously or not, the real life stuff of fights, mistakes, regrets, and hurtful words. But the fact that I have so very many really great memories seems evidence enough to declare that I had a truly wonderful childhood. Hugs, loving words, praise, sacrifice, investments of time, money, and energy into us kids--these are things I experienced in abundance.

It is my heart's prayer that my children have more good memories than bad of their childhood and that they can be part of that blessed minority of the untraumatized. And that they are as deeply grateful as we are.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

things I like about being home alone

  • the quiet of no TV
  • not inconveniencing someone else if I don't clean up a mess right away
  • not being embarrassed if a burp (or something worse) escapes
  • reading for long stretches
  • naps
  • following my own schedule--or none at all
  • being able to hear myself think
  • not feeling "on"
  • taking my time
  • exercising when I want
  • anticipating them getting home and getting a snack ready for when they hit the kitchen (they're always so grateful!)
  • all the glances out the windows of flowers and trees and hills
I might add to this list if I think of other things later. Or I might just leave it as a bookmark, something to look back at in a few years when Jylle's off at college, and all I have is time by myself at home.

Friday, September 19, 2008


Do you have a secret?

I saw a segment on CNN about a blog called "postsecret." People send postcards in the mail to this guy who chooses some, scans and then posts them. Some are disturbing, some make you sad or make you laugh, and others are more like warm thoughts. He’s written books containing these post secrets, and he gives presentations on them too. He engages the audience by challenging them to tell someone their secret “and become who you really are” (or something close to that). He told the audience that if the truth were known, just about everyone has a secret that would break your heart.

He has testimonials from people who say their lives were changed by putting their secret out there. It freed them in a way they never dreamed, and they’re so thankful. "We think we're keeping secrets, but the secrets are actually keeping us. With one courageous decision, you've freed a part of your life." One lady in the audience stood up and said she wanted to reveal her secret to everyone right there. They didn’t show us what she said, but it was compelling to me to think of someone doing that. I’m going to tell these 500 people the dark secret I’ve been carrying around for years. Then again, it'd be easier to tell a stranger, wouldn't it...?

I always think everyone around me is pretty much doing okay. But I suppose there’s a little bit of freak in all of us, that feeling of not fitting in or being alone or misunderstood. I would never have known that there are so many people, I’m talking a quarter-million, who have all these secrets--and those are only the ones who've sent in postcards!

I am so sheltered. Maybe that’s Your protection over me. My heart aches raw for the secrets I have been given—You know how much one lamb can handle. Just think of all those other lambs out there.......

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sarah Palin

So how about that Sarah Barracuda?! My Kevin talked to the guy who was her basketball coach after her convention speech. This guy was the head girls basketball coach here before Kev took the job and now coaches another girls team. He said CNN tracked him down and asked if they could come interview him. He told them politely to please not come. He did tell them that she was everything she appears to be, a person of integrity, hard work, and passion, just like every other girl on that Wasilla team. It was fun to get a scoop like that.

I busted out laughing during her speech when the camera landed on her daughter, Piper, who was holding their new baby. They'd shown her a couple times already, gently smoothing her baby brother's hair and tucking the blanket around him. This time though, she licked her entire palm all the way up and then wiped down his head! Eeeyuck! What was she doing?! Making her own kind of emergency hair gel?
Was she trying to make him look better? Was she cooling him off? It was funny after my convulsion though. Spit things--eeeyuck.

The more I see and hear of her, the more I like her. I think she'd make a great VP because of her leadership experience and character. I love that she's an intelligent, attractive Evangelical too, not the "Isn't that special" church lady--something we get pictured as by mainstream media.

Can't they talk about what matters though? the things we're all concerned about in our economy and on the world front? the ridiculous trivia that's all the buzz is what I'm hearing instead of the nuts and bolts of plans and policies. Even when those are touched on, it's all so freakin' vague! Anyone can say he's going to cut taxes and bring home troops. Tell me HOW!

Okay, this started out on a pleasant note. Let's come back. I am enthusiastic about Sarah Palin, and I'm happy she's on the ticket. It's been a shot in the arm for conservatives, and I loved the shock and the resulting energy from it. I'd like to shake her hand and thank her personally someday for being a great leader and for handling so well the mishandling of her family by the media in that initial avalanche of examining her life. I think she's pretty all right.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

wish we were neighbors

I made flan yesterday and thought of you (you know who you are even if you don't remember the day I'm going to mention here =). I thought of the day I brought a little cup of flan to you, knowing how much you like it. While I was stuttering around in my head trying to think of how best to plate it, you pulled out a spoon and just dug in. I was shocked. I never saw that coming. And then I started laughing. Of course it didn't have to be overturned--you could just eat it! That was an outside-the-lines moment for me. XO

You make me smile, and you don't even have to be here to do it. XO

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


It's not that I feel this way myself. I just believe a lot of people do, and I wanted to express this image before it became another vapor.
I didn't have any other models on hand to use in the picture, and the dogs have a hard time covering their faces and looking convincing. It's pretty emo...

Monday, September 15, 2008

overheard at a wedding

Overheard at Ella and Kyle's wedding this weekend:
  • You're Karl's mom... Oh, Kyle--I've been doing that all day long.
  • She should just ditch him. [Not about Ella & Kyle]
  • It's so isolated out here. [a commune 40 minutes from here & we're already in the boons]
  • Just get a damn wedding ring. [Again, not Ella & Kyle]
  • Does Kyle have a big fat earring, or is the hole actually that big?
  • [Pastor during ceremony] "...someone who will help me not screw up..."
  • Does God say 'screw'?
  • You speak English really well. [Korean girl born & raised in the U.S. & doesn't speak Korean]
  • He looks so happy, like he just swallowed a cat.
  • Water--or--champagne? Nothing in-between?
  • My heels squish in like two inches. I look like a professional aeration service.
  • That's the biggest wonkin' vine I've ever seen in my life.
  • I think she's got your shades... Yeah, those really look like your shades.
  • There's enough salmon here to fill a whale.
  • That baby looks delicious.

[Pics from my cell phone, so they're kinda lame, but they're all I have for now.]

Saturday, September 13, 2008

After Your Heart

I like this song. I like his voice, I like the music, and I like the vision of the lyrics.

by Phil Wickham
from the album "Cannons"

Can I have your attention
What are we starting here
Just look around you 'cause the answer is clear
Listen, listen
And hear the coming sound
All of the children are singing it loud

Let's be the revolution
That lives for holding nothing back, nothing back

We're after your heart, after your heart
All of the walls now are breaking apart
Live like we see it, love like we mean it
This is the start, we're after your heart

Start the ascension, begin the holy climb
Up to where heaven and the earth collide
Bring your affection, all that you have inside
Enter the kingdom and become alive

'Cause love with no condition
It lives for holding nothing back, nothing back

We're after your heart, after your heart
All of the walls now, are breaking apart
Live like we see it, love like we mean it
This is the start, we're after your heart

Oh, let's go, higher and higher
Hear the sound of the free
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Oh, lift your soul, join with the choir
Sing the song, let it ring
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Fox News Bullets

I can't believe the news links at the Fox New site yesterday. They're so weird!
  • 'Big Bang Machine' Successfully Completes First Test
  • California Community Outraged by Police Shootings of Unarmed Homeless Man
  • Airline to Passenger: Sorry, We've Lost Your Wife's Body
  • Parents Sue Crocs After Child's Foot Is Maimed in Escalator
  • Texas Man Kills Intruder With Intruder's Own Gun
  • Mom Forced 3 Murdered Daughters to Drink Toilet Cleaner
  • Baby With 8 Broken Ribs Dies After Social Workers Leave Him With Abusive Parents
  • Mom Runs Over Her 8-Year-Old Child in California Driveway
  • Cops: Wrestler Ric Flair Beat Up by Daughter's Boyfriend
  • Virginia Dad Drowns Saving Disabled Son From Septic Tank
  • Son Spots Dad on TV, 5 Years After Family 'Cremated' Him
There's only one item up there that doesn't give me the creeps. I couldn't make up stuff that sounds this terrible! My Kevin is a news junkie; he could read the entire newspaper and then watch or listen to news all night. It bums me out seriously to hear more than a half hour's worth. THIS stuff makes me want to run far, far away!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Font Conference

This is FUNNY, but probably only if you're a fontmonger like me. Annie, you'll like this!

in my head

I can't believe you felt like that! I just started laughing! You were belovedly honest and vulnerable, and oh my goodness--I was so surprised, and then I felt kinda wicked for being wanted & missed! I mean, no one goes around telling you stuff like that, right?! =) There was this Are you serious?! You want me?! Cool!

But don't worry--I got over it. I'll never put expectations on you. Freely given, freely received.

Silly girl...... I could never not think of you--I still, probably always will, have you in my head. Spotting your sweet face, especially if it's unexpected, can still make me forget my own name. If I had a tail, it would wag my butt off. Seriously though, I pray for you, and of course He keeps close to the heart the ones we pray for.

When I pick up a book to read, I wonder what you're reading, if anything has made you laugh or hugged your insides or convicted you. Ten times/day I see the rock wall and all the plants you gave me, and I'm thankful for you as I remember that day we walked around your yard and talked while you dug. When I'm unloving and unlovely, I want to be better than my smallness, and I think of you saying that the bottom line is loving God and loving others. My thoughts of late are turned to living life fully, the way that's possible, and everyday I think of the quote you read to me from Saint Iraneus, "The glory of God is man fully alive."

It is one of the most difficult things I had to get used to was being so removed from everyone. You & I had a good thing going, didn't we..... I'm grateful for your love, and I love you right back.

So yep, you're definitely right here with me. Sweeeeet. mmWAH!

Monday, September 08, 2008

sandy time

My friend, Sandy, invited me to go to Harrington with her today to a bridal shower for the daughter of a long-time friend of hers. I was totally thrilled to be asked and couldn't wait for the almost-2 hr road trip!

Of course the time passed ridiculously quickly, and we began the journey talking about me. My longest, most involved conversations begin with talking about me and mine... I have to grab my jaw at some point and aim it toward my friend and ask, "So tell me about YOU..."

Wish I could include more pictures of Sandy connecting with old friends and community members she knew growing up, but alas, I took none. There just didn't seem to be a timely opportunity. I did bring back two small bags of exquisitely fresh lavender blossoms encased in sweet little tulle bags, but not after toting about 15 bags of the same for Sandy, along with maybe two pounds of turtle cake someone bagged up for her to take home to her little girls just 'cause. She is just that kind of person--you want to give her stuff and tell her how wonderful she is, knowing everyone thinks the same way you do.

Yeah, we talked about chemo and about her upcoming radiation, about her mastectomy and her reaction to it, about diet and eating organic and her family's adaptation to a radical dietary change and her new 'do and post-surgery drains. She is amazingly forthcoming and straightforward. She is upbeat and prayerful, focusedly worshipful and praising, humble and selfless. She is a wonderful friend and sister. Sometimes I want to poke her and ask Are you for REAL?!!!

I'm trying not to be afraid that she will be taken from us in the next few years. Taken from me. She is that rare good soul, the kind movies are made about and who are doomed from the beginning because of their goodness. Y'know, the good die young thing.

I know that there's something misaligned in my thinking, but right now, it all seems completely reasonable. There is the Them and the Me, and Sandy is most definitely a Them. In my mind, she keeps company with those great dead authors, the ones who have left behind a legacy of faith and intimate relationship that we today dream of and aspire to in our higher moments. She would gag at these thoughts of mine if she knew them, which would only further endear her to me.

I just thank You for now for the gift of her friendship, for the weight of her having wanted me along. Keep me righthererightnow. XO

Sunday, September 07, 2008


Tell me you see the heart-shaped cloud. It was a gift to me as I drove home last week.

Where I was 10 years ago:

1998: (38) Lived in a big house 40 minutes from here. The kids were 11, 9, & 4. Kev worked in a school district we'd only dreamed about when we first heard it was being built. I'd found some incredible friends I truly clicked with, and church was a happy place.

20 years ago:

1988: (28) Lived in a tiny, rented house in Tonasket, and we had a one-year-old. Worked with Young Life and their discipleship program. Missed Spokane with its family, friends, and good shopping, but forged friendships we have maintained, been inspired by, and enjoyed to this day.

30 years ago:

1978: (18) Graduated with honors from high school (big deal). Visited the Philippines with my mom for six weeks. Supposed to be two months, but she missed my dad too much. She bawled when we left Spokane; I bawled when w
e left Manila. The gift with the most lasting impact on my life I think. Indelible images, permanent memories, impacting experiences. International travel has incredible influence on a person's memory. I was young, impressionable, easily influenced, and my gray matter was still soft. It's never like that again.

A dear friend reminded me that life is lived one moment at a time. We are given Time as a way to work out our salvation down here with fear and trembling, with like-minded frie
nds, with all our hopes and failures and stumblings to address. It's in the righthererightnow that we receive the tremendous, mind-blowing gift of Grace. All these moments, all these memories, all this grace... we are soooo blessed. How many of us know, understand, and receive it.....

Jesus loves me, this I know.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

on her behalf

I just read this heartbreaking message that was left as a blog comment:

About four years ago, I started having a drink now and then whenever I'd get together with my girlfriends. Up to that time, we were teetotalers. We just never drank. When we had to move to a different state, I resented everything about it. I started drinking more to dull the pain of the losses I felt.Then I started drinking to give me the courage to keep doing things I didn't want to do when we moved into a neighborhood I hated. Now I find myself with a mental dependency on alcohol for getting through events where I want to simply relax and not be agitated. I don't drink when I drive, and I don't work outside the home.

I'm 47 now and I have 2-3 drinks every evening. Even though I know that's unhealthy, what bothers me mostly is that this is my big, dark secret. No one else on earth knows what I do, and I'm too ashamed to talk to any of my friends, and I don't have an understanding family. I know I need to trust the Lord to supply my peace and comfort in ANY situation, and now I'm afraid I'll always be like this. I feel like a terrible person for not loving Him enough to quit this bad, costly, deceitful habit. I'm literally stealing from our income to supply this indulgence. I can't believe my family doesn't suspect something. I know I need to believe that He is my knight in shining armor, but since it seems that I must not believe that since I am not trusting Him to get me out of this, I realize I have dulled His armor and weakened His power (in my eyes). Is it a dumb question to ask if I need professional help?

I wish I could tell her that she could talk to ME. I have addictive tendencies, so this could so easily have been ME! I wish I could tell her that her shame is a sign of a healthy conscience. I wish I could listen to more of her story, reassure her that her husband and friends would probably embrace her and want to help however they could, and remind her that she truly is loved unconditionally by the One who's capable and desirous of seeing her through to the joy, peace, honesty, and freedom she longs for. He remains on His throne no matter how much we rearrange the ballroom chairs.

I can't contact her myself, but I can ask for help on her behalf. Everyone needs a knight in shining armor. I can be her lady-in-waiting. Help your lamb, Lord. This princess needs a fresh revelation of Your love and power. XO

Friday, September 05, 2008

Julie's 50th


Change is inevitable.

I don't have any thrill issues. None. I don't have an adventurous spirit. I'm only slightly spontaneous, and then only if it's my idea. Too many changes too quickly make me snarky. It's ugly. And you only see the outside of it. I have a pretty cushy life, so I have no room to complain, and yet here I am. So be it. I'll give myself a deadline to snap out of it. I miss Normal.
  • Kev has slowed w-a-a-ay down because of his injured ankle bone, and I hate seeing him in such terrible pain.
  • Jylle is going to a different school, which always brings new challenges.
  • Ryan has moved out to go to college in another state; new challenges again.
  • We're facing a year of big debt and trying to make ends meet.
  • My mom seems to be going downhill mentally and physically. Suicide is lookin' good to her again.
  • Brett is bearing a huge workload this year, academically and jobwise. This is his toughest year yet.
I'm the woman in the commercial who hits the Easy button, only I tend to mentally skitter all over the place trying to find alternate routes to Easy when that doesn't work. This can complicate things.

I'm going to go have a popsicle now. When all other routes fail, there's always a popsicle on the front porch swing.


There was a man at the mall carrying a 15 lb bag of potatoes like it was a small child. He looked like he was going nowhere in particular, just one foot in front of the other, and he had a look on his face like that of a man serving time. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd lost a bet.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

nobody else out there...

Sometimes when I'm blogging, I feel like I'm the only one who will ever read these words, which is fine. I write for myself anyway. Sometimes though I wish there were other women my age who blogged. I've looked for blogs by women 40+ and 50+, but can't seem to find any that are general or Christian in topic or who've posted anything after 2006. The closest thing I can find is Rocky Mountain Moms Blog, and not only is that still being set up, but I don't think I qualify, being just westward shy of the Rockies. And I want to talk or read about more than motherhood. It'd just be nice to connect with other women going through the same kinds of things I am--kids in college, looking at an empty nest AND menopause, life challenges, funny things that'd be fun to share, getting ticked at my husband or myself or the dog, y'know, just "stuff." The great majority of the blogs I come across belong to young people. I know technology savvy plays a large part in that. Doesn't keep me from wishing though.

I'm not lonely; I'd just like some good, girl company once/week or so. I don't want to chat. I want to read some personal note and say, "Yeah! I feel like that too!" or "Wow, I'm glad that's not MY son," or "She needs a hug right now," or even "...a swift kick in the tush." Sharing like that makes my insides fit right.

This is just more of the human condition, isn't it... "Am I the only one... is there anybody else out there like me?" The solo dance continues.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

love across the lines

Got to talk to Brett last night, and it was great to hear his voice. Haven't talked to him myself in a month--Kev always fields the calls and somehow they hang up without me. No one's fault, just happens that way.

Knowing his workload is so daunting and heavy this year, that he's been going nonstop without a break, it was wonderful to know he had a fun, refreshing weekend. He and a couple of a buddies went camping. It was an hour's drive, but he said they could've hiked there in two. They went fishing and caught eight rainbow trout. Then they looked at one another and said, "We didn't plan this very well." They went back to town, bought some garlic powder and butter, and headed back to camp. They fried 'em up, and Brett announced that they were "dee-licious." His friend, Tim, cooks them like that. (But Tim also fries the tail nice and crisp and eats it like a potato chip.
=) We chatted, talked about Internet stuff, and then he had to go study.

Once a mom, always a mom. This new heart that grows when they're born because the one you have isn't big enough to hold all the love--it never stops wanting for them. Wanting the best for them, wanting to protect and hold and invest in them, to be involved and participate in their extraordinary lives, to matter to them. Mostly mine wants to hear and know their laughter. I want them to know joy. I want them to know peace. I want them swathed in the grace of the righthererightnow.

Thank You for the gift of one phone call. It was dee-licious.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


I'm cranky. I'm snapping at or criticizing my Kevin, and he so does not deserve that. I thought it was hormonal, and even if it was, which it's not, that's not a good reason. There's never a good reason to be rude. He's been fighting a bad cold, and I've been addressing that, but not with the same compassion that I approach my kids. Fleshy, gritchy, moody woman! Snap out of it!

I need to be addressed once again by Your redemptive, soul-turning loving-kindness. That You never tire of doing this, of stooping way, way down to run a gentle finger down my cheek and pull me close and softly speak Jesus to me... That You never shake Your finger at my misbehavior and wrong thinking... in fact, You don't pay any attn to sin and flesh--You have nothing to do with them... You are utterly fantastic [so extreme as to challenge belief].

You are about washing the insides of this rusty can with Your pure river water. Help me to be patient. Help me not to panic when I don't see any change even after a long time. The water is moving, and the inside of the can is coming clean as You pour through it day after obstacle after need after day. XO

Monday, September 01, 2008

Questions to Ask on a Long Trip

  • What 3 people would you want with you on a deserted island?
  • What 3 books would you want?
  • What super power would you like to have?
  • What sounds do you most like?
  • What sounds do you most dislike?
  • What favorite foods would you like to make up a really great meal?
  • Who are the people who have had the most influence on your faith?
  • Which person in all history would you most like to have lunch with?
  • If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?
  • Would you steal to feed your starving family? Why or why not?
  • What mistake have you made that you really learned from and can actually be grateful for now?
  • What are you working on to improve your character?