Saturday, September 26, 2009


Lord, Kathy's Brandt had a stroke, and I can't believe it. They had so little of what I'd call normal time together so soon after their wedding. The fun and adventure and leisure I expected they would enjoy seems like a dull dream now, something only other people get to have. My heart is heavy, and I don't even know how to pray.

She needs You. For a thousand-foot need, You are her thousand-foot crutch. As we lower Brandt on a litter and ask expectantly for Your healing, I come to Your throne boldly and ask for titantic grace and mercy on her spirit, her mind, and her body. This is a hard one, Lord, and she needs the All of You to carry her. No one can do this alone. I don't know if she even has anyone in the area who can offer something to her as simple as a cup of coffee in compassion. She doesn't speak of tight friends, not that I can recall anyway, and her kids aren't in the area. My human tendency is to panic. Fortunately for her, she's nothing like me! Feed her Your truth and keep her steady and trusting.

Hold them firmly, Lord. Grant them the great, great grace of Your felt presence. Give her wisdom as she embarks on this new chapter. Let there still be generous helpings of Your surprise hugs, simple delights, and even joy--somehow, in the way only You can bring about. Grant her mercy, companionship, strength, knowledge, and supernatural peace--Your very own peace, You say in Your word.*

Help me to stand alongside her and offer her whatever comfort and compassion You would flow out through me. Use this thing in their lives to grow them up into a child, and do that in Your soft, tender way, for Your glory.

I'm rambling now... Please help her to get some rest. Give all the doctors, nurses, and helpers wisdom, skill, and compassion. Surround her with Your kindness, Father. XO

Thursday, September 24, 2009

a tiny money matter

Seems kind of silly to call one a credit card and the other a debit when they both reduce the amount of money you have. It's nice to have two different names for them though.

I was looking at the word "debit" and realized how extremely close in spelling it is to "debt." And then I realized that the reason my debt grows is because "i" spend money! Interesting, isn't it?! Well, maybe you've already thought about that stuff, but it was new to me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Where You Go

Oh, Lord, You are so utterly unlike us.

He doesn't acknowledge the wrong I do because He knows He's already dealt with it, and it's a mute point. Instead He is all about drawing me on higher and deeper, always completely marinating me in His titanic love.

I feel like I've been blinded by gaudy lights and baubles for so very long. This is like waking from a drugged coma where I'm rediscovering my legs and hands and neck. Movement is awkward and staggered. There is forward motion though, so I keep on.

I had a dream. I was up on a fence, straddling the top rail. Suddenly it started moving, smoothly and slowly like a horse. When I woke up I thought, "That's funny. I was riding a fenc-----."

Comfortable in my own little world. Content with mediocrity. Exploiting the gift of choice. Believing outside voices instead of God's Word. A dam of unreality is built.

I pray for "the gift of tears."*

The torrent of His purpose and love will not be held back though, and there is divine magma roiling. I pray sincerely and earnestly for the explosion, whatever comes, because He is always and only goodness, loving-kindness, and life.

"Where You Go" - Kim Walker/Jesus Culture

* "From the moment when we are brought face to face with our whole uncensored past and are forced to admit and to take full responsibility for all our faults and failures in thought, word, and deed... our release from spiritual aridity can begin. Only when we realize that self-will and its futile efforts are completely powerless to effect our deliverance can we finally abandon them and throw ourselves solely on the Compassion of the Other Power, which at last can respond to our plea and replace our impotence. Then we may be granted that most precious of confirmatory signs, the gift of tears, which spring forth from the eyes in spontaneous gratitude. Such cleansing tears are tears both of joy and of grief, of remorse for one's hard-hearted pride and perversity, and of purification from all egoistic defilements, but most of all of thanksgiving for the gift of Faith. Only tears such as these can break the drought of self-sufficiency, can water and refresh the barren anger and hatred that have gripped the heart and deprived it of tenderness, and can set free again the living waters of the spirit." ~Harold Stewart
Note: While I do not promote the writings of Harold Stewart, God uses whatever He wants to touch us and move us along in His purpose.