off to college

We come in through the south end of campus.

He cannot take a normal picture, this one...

Kev unloading all Ryan's cwap stuff.

in the dorm
(hey, I don't look as old when it's fuzzy =)

fingerprint scanning


dinner at Applebee's

We brought his stuff in through the service entrance in the back. Since we were there a day earlier than everyone, there were no crowds or lines, and the maintenance guy told us the best place to unload, but to watch out for the campus police who would ticket us. I left a note in the window explaining that we didn't know where to park, we'd be right back, and left my cell #. Turned out we had a straight shot of the car from his room, and the police never came around. Tells you that his room view is nothing to write home about, but at least he has wide windows... It's an older dorm, and the window blind is all bent and crooked, the walls are full of tack holes, and the ceiling is really low, but wow, the people are so nice! Every single person was just so nice!

He has work study, so he needs to get a job on campus. He doesn't have a car or even a bike, so he needs something close. The cafeteria is just down the hall from his room, so that's a huge blessing. I told Kev, "You know Ryan. He'll probably make friends with the cafeteria ladies, and they'll give him extra food for later."

Of course, it was a hard thing to leave him. We didn't cry when we left him though, which took great effort for both of us. I told Kev, "Don't cry--that'll make ME cry." He said, "I won't cry--you'll cry, and that'll make ME cry." He always cries when Brett leaves. He's such a softie, bless his heart.

I realized something about myself, that I try to act all happy and positive, and that occupies my mind so that I think about all the good things and don't get dragged down by the sadness. And I'm okay at that unless someone starts crying or talks about how sad it is. Then I break. I tried to be 'up' for Kev as well. Ryan waved to us the from the service entrance door because his key doesn't fit that lock, and he'd get locked out if he came out to the car with us. We waved until we couldn't see each other anymore, and then we faced forward, just the two of us. I asked Kev something, and his voice was choked up and heavy with trying to sound normal. I kept talking as if we'd just done something we always do, and my talking is a distraction for him--gives him something to concentrate on to pull himself together.

I like to schedule my meltdowns, so I finally let myself grieve before I poured myself into bed. It's so bittersweet, isn't it..... the way it's supposed to be, and yet my heart can't seem to get over itself every time there's a serious goodbye.

We realized that with Brett, it was so excruciating, him being in the military and going to such a demanding school, being cut off from any communication with him, being so far away, and even when we could talk to him, just being so dang far away, that for us to drop Ryan off and be able to be so involved made it a whole lot easier than if this had been our first experience letting go. I learned that letting go more and being more hands-off their senior year made this a wee bit easier too. There was already the acknowledgment inside me of their independence and their soon-to-be very different life. It was still difficult, but it was way easier than with Brett.

Having a webcam and being able to Skype will be nice too. I'll be able to see his face when we talk, and that'll be a big comfort, as well as just plain fun.

Another one out of the nest, Lord. An only child at home. Another 'new normal' to learn.