up and down and up again

I hate it when I sabotage my own progress.

Reading Isaiah 45:2-3, I ask: Abba, will You please make my crooked places straight? Are We together leveling the mountains--or do You do the absolute totality of all the doing? Am I engaging only half-heartedly? Show me where I'm slacking, and give me the courage to hear the hard things.

The old ways tarnished the success yesterday. HE is always there, flaunting and waving that bedeviled carrot. I like it when WE win. I am sad when I cause ground recovered to then again be relinquished.

I remember the days when I hardly slept and hardly ate. I read ravenously, and You spoke often and profoundly, deep-feeding roots that You wanted broadened, strengthened, and cemented. At that time I learned "I have called you by your name, I have surnamed you, though you have not known Me. I am the Lord, and there is no one else; there is no God besides Me. I will gird and arm you, though you have not known Me." (Isaiah 45:4-5 Amp) Indeed, I did not know You as I know You now.

Always You would bring me higher and deeper. I am excited that maybe We are on the brink of another exciting adventure after such a great long span of self-inflicted desert. The anticipation of excitement though disappoints because I know that means I value highly the good feelings and memorable moments--the sensory fruits of being with You instead of simply loving the knowledge of the joy You have at just being together. Help me not to over-analyze and complicate things. Help me to enjoy the beauty of simplicity.