Good-bye, Grandma...

My fake grandma passed away yesterday. I called her Grandma, and my kids called her Baba. Mom called to give me the news, and even though she kept saying she just wanted me to know, she talked at length, and I think she needed to speak out some of those feelings and memories. Made me wonder if a person always has regrets after someone loved dies. Seems as if no matter what you did or how much you loved, it wasn't enough to make you absolutely sure you had no regrets... Surely some people have no regrets…? Guess personally, I would.

So many times during those years I thought my mom's head would split wide open and her blood pressure would make her whole body explode because of the intense aggravation. They're both opinionated, set in their ways, "right," and don't like being told what to do. So off they went into town at least twice/week, this hard of hearing, volatile, untamable Filipino, and a wiry, pushy, old Ukrainian moneybag in a big ol' Buick Park Avenue.

I’ll remember her for her great cooking, the lavish spreads she’d put on having cooked everything herself. From the shrimp cocktail to the beet borscht, then roast beef, ham, and sausages, the hearty side dishes of potatoes, cabbage, and simply dressed lettuces, to three kinds of desserts, including pies made with homegrown fruit inside a crust made with lard. The food in her home was greasy, fatty, bready, sugary, exotic, and unfamiliar anywhere else but there. There was always hard candy on the coffee table and in the summer, mulberries and raspberries to pick and eat off the branches.

This is the farm where I learned to drive a huge grain truck while everyone else hefted the shocks of wheat into the back. We spent birthdays and holidays there, and there was stability in knowing that’s what we did. They weren’t my real grandparents, but they were the closest thing I’ve ever had, and I’ll miss knowing she’s there. Does the world always seem a little dimmer when someone you love isn’t here anymore?

This is a relevant song in light of my last current event.