precious time

I’m having such a wonderful time here over Brett’s spring break. It’s an amazing comfort to have him in the house. I wake up thinking, “We’re all here...” It is a satisfaction so deep and seemingly knitted into my makeup. I’ve been fixing him a nice breakfast, and then if I don’t join him, I putz in the kitchen while he watches TV. While I watch him. Just drink him in, y'know?

When I think of him, I see his face pretty much like the one here, slightly unshaven, smiling, military haircut, and those dark, twinkling eyes with their silent language. I can get teary just writing this. There’s something about him being grown up and on his own that makes something catch in my chest. At the same time I can cry for joy and pain because this parenting thing is truly the most bittersweet experience of life.

People often say, "You must be so proud." It's not that I'm not, it's more that I'm so very glad for him. I'm proud for him that he's accomplished so much and has these high goals. I'm thankful most of all that he wants God's best. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth," 3 John 4. There is no credit for me to take--the desire for God is itself a gift from Him. This is his walk, and for me it's both admirable and inspiring. He has found a balance between seriousness & fun, excess & frugality, dependence and courage. And the guy has the best one-liners--he makes me a laugh a LOT!

He goes back to school this Sunday. The next time we see him he will have finished his junior year in college, spent six weeks in China, and assigned his squadron post as a Firstie (senior). During that time I hope he keeps his heart on straight, has wonderful adventures, and misses home once in a while. I'll mark off another countdown on the calendar because I like to have something to look forward to, and I'll start collecting things to send him in his next care package. I'll pray for him, and I'll pray for me, that as I miss him more than all the words in all the languages could ever allow him to understand right now, it's with a truly grateful and humble heart that I savor this relationship that has been such a teacher for me as a mother, a person, and a believer. Thank You, my Abba...