a bug of agitation

There is a bug of agitation about. It's been embryonic for months now, but in the past week it seems to have developed gestational diabetes, growing fat and heavy and dangerous. Folds of truly too much mental sugar...

Here it sits, waiting to be fixed or discussed, and perhaps this blog might prove helpful.

It has everything to do with dissatisfaction. Like a pebble in my shoe, or in my case the princess and the pea, it's just enough of an abrasion to get and keep my attention. How grand if it transforms into a pearl...

Music is helping. Two songs in particular. The first is "I Don't Want to Go," by Avalon. Lyrics zeroed in on a longing to stay in the place where I am keenly aware of my Abba's presence. This is the ONLY place where I am completely satisfied on this earth, something akin to a miracle in this broken world.

The second is "If You're Not the One," by Daniel Bedingfield. Bingo! Focused, protracted longing for something, yet the certainty abides that this will not be remedied either soon enough or to a degree equal to the longing. Yep, that's it. Something that seems so perfectly complementary and yet unrequited.

Lord, what do I do with this?
What good will this come to?
My self-discipline muscles are atrophied. How to die to the natural in order that Your promises might nourish the spiritual?
Can You relate to this kind of longing? When?
Please, either move, or move me.

XO