My Girlfriends

I found it! I thought it was long gone in the belly of the dead computer, but I just found it! Yea! This is for all my girlfriends, past, present, and future. I toast you.

My Girlfriends

By Cyndi Mulligan ©2006

• Girlfriends laugh, even when they don’t get it because it’s simply fun just to be together.
• Girlfriends snuggle and cuddle and get great comfort from that closeness, and there’s nothing unnatural going on.
• Girlfriends listen with their whole hearts even when it’s not about their own selves.
• Girlfriends care about every little thing that’s going on in their girlfriends’ lives, and if you don’t tell them the deep stuff, they might even get their feelings hurt.
• Girlfriends love their girlfriends’ children just like their own. And they wouldn’t mind whoopin’ on ‘em a little for ya if ya don’t wanna do it your own self, but only if they really deserve it, but by the time they tell you all about it, they don’t really want you to anymore, and really, neither do you.
• Girlfriends take up an offense and stick up for one another even when it goes beyond reasonable and sane and for the gazillionth time.
• Girlfriends remember the special dates, even the bad ones, and mark them on their calendars.
• Girlfriends love looking at pictures of themselves being all together, and even if they look the best in the picture, they don’t say so.
• Girlfriends love when one of ‘em tells how wonderful they all are, and each one knows quietly deep down inside that she is the most special to that one and the real reason that just got said.
• Girlfriends love to eat together and don’t need a special occasion to do it. Even though it always tastes better when someone else fixes it, they are willing to actually make something their own selves for the sake of community. And just to have more stuff available for all the girlfriends to eat.
• Girlfriends love to soak in hot water up to their chins even after their skin gets all pruney, just cuz it’s so good to all be together.
• Girlfriends love to listen to one of ‘em read out loud to ‘em, especially if it’s a book about other girlfriends.
• Girlfriends get under one another’s skin so deep that even after carrying one of 'em for miles and miles, they'll carry her another thousand just 'cause they can't live without her.
• Girlfriends look the sweetest to one another after they’ve just told you they not only know about the sin you’ve just confessed and have been trying to hide, but that they love you and want you anyways and have all along.
• Girlfriends will go to great lengths not to hurt one another’s feelings, even when it would be more helpful to everyone if they went ahead and did.
• Girlfriends love to stay up late and talk and talk and talk before they finally pour themselves into bed. And they still look beautiful to one another when they wake up all wirey haired in the morning just cuz they love each other heartloads.
• Girlfriends love to sit and swing and hold each other’s legs and kinda rub on ‘em a little, just to be touching, especially when there aren’t any kids around and it’s a lovely, warm day. Swinging only makes it lovelier.
• Girlfriends don’t hate the husband one of ‘em has a legitimate complaint against and has just railed against for the last two hours, because they all know he is a man and as such, automatically may not do the right thing at the right time in the right attitude, and we all know that and have one of ‘em our own selves and understand the venting thing, so we save our hate for things like spiders and wrinkles and people who are downright mean.
• Girlfriends love to help one of ‘em get all dolled up for a special occasion, especially when she’s not used to getting all dolled up. We are just sure that our personal touches will ensure that she is the bell of whatever ball she will be attending and that her queenliness is evident to all just because of our assistance.
• And last, girlfriends are the most precious when they tramp through your muck with you, and you find yourself on the shore of Hope with the horizon of Joy just ahead, and you have arrived there propped up by their weary yet faithful arms, and although you are all limping some from the journey, they have loved you into your Abba’s arms, singing and dancing all the way, knowing that you will sing and dance in the end, too.

sandy time

My friend, Sandy, invited me to go to Harrington with her today to a bridal shower for the daughter of a long-time friend of hers. I was totally thrilled to be asked and couldn't wait for the almost-2 hr road trip!

Of course the time passed ridiculously quickly, and we began the journey talking about me. My longest, most involved conversations begin with talking about me and mine... I have to grab my jaw at some point and aim it toward my friend and ask, "So tell me about YOU..."

Wish I could include more pictures of Sandy connecting with old friends and community members she knew growing up, but alas, I took none. There just didn't seem to be a timely opportunity. I did bring back two small bags of exquisitely fresh lavender blossoms encased in sweet little tulle bags, but not after toting about 15 bags of the same for Sandy, along with maybe two pounds of turtle cake someone bagged up for her to take home to her little girls just 'cause. She is just that kind of person--you want to give her stuff and tell her how wonderful she is, knowing everyone thinks the same way you do.

Yeah, we talked about chemo and about her upcoming radiation, about her mastectomy and her reaction to it, about diet and eating organic and her family's adaptation to a radical dietary change and her new 'do and post-surgery drains. She is amazingly forthcoming and straightforward. She is upbeat and prayerful, focusedly worshipful and praising, humble and selfless. She is a wonderful friend and sister. Sometimes I want to poke her and ask Are you for REAL?!!!

I'm trying not to be afraid that she will be taken from us in the next few years. Taken from me. She is that rare good soul, the kind movies are made about and who are doomed from the beginning because of their goodness. Y'know, the good die young thing.

I know that there's something misaligned in my thinking, but right now, it all seems completely reasonable. There is the Them and the Me, and Sandy is most definitely a Them. In my mind, she keeps company with those great dead authors, the ones who have left behind a legacy of faith and intimate relationship that we today dream of and aspire to in our higher moments. She would gag at these thoughts of mine if she knew them, which would only further endear her to me.

I just thank You for now for the gift of her friendship, for the weight of her having wanted me along. Keep me righthererightnow. XO

humbled

I received this gift from a friend, and I was shocked. Not because I don't love her back, but because I would've thought she had at least one friend closer to her heart than me. At first, I thought She must mean this in a general way, like "You're one of my best friends." I even considered that she must not get out much so she must not have much to pick from. Truly, not false humility, but quick mental research into the validity of, to me, such a bold statement. The more I thought about it though, the more I thought Just give it to Him. The best friendness we love is the stuff of Him that pours into us. Let her love the embraces of our Abba that she gets from you.

It's an awesome thing to be spent by Him (and I only and always ever use that word in its original meaning: Something inspiring awe; remarkable; outstanding). To be used in a divine equation, for a glorifying occasion... Jesus used mud to open blind eyes; He can use me to hug a friend's insides. †

well done

I saw one of Ryan's old buddies the other day, and it was such a joy. He's a man now with beard stubble, he's all muscled out, he carries on a conversation like an adult and is very personable. What I loved was that he had to make a concerted effort to get to us to say hi. That touched me, and I wanted to fling my arms around him and say, “Thank you for growing up so well!” His girlfriend made him promise to say hi to us for her too. How sweet is that?!

This is the kid who every time he came into the room, I’d say, “Say, ‘Hi, Mrs. Mulligan,’ “ which he promptly did, if not a little under duress but which I still totally appreciated. I hope we can go to his graduation party, just so I can fling my arms around him and say, “Thank you for growing up so well!”

Lunch with two friends

I had lunch last Friday with two friends I hadn’t seen in years, Rae two years ago, and Carrie, ten years ago. We met at Chili’s, and I’d have been there ten minutes earlier if I could’ve just found a parking spot! It was ridiculous. Like packin’ a size 12 woman into a size 6 dress—the excess runneth amuck.

As soon as Rae saw me, she motioned me to the table. I gave her a quick but meaningful hug, and I don’t know how else to describe it but I got a large measure of comfort from her beautiful, sweet face. Like going home after a long time away and nestling into your favorite sofa. Carrie stood to greet me, and when we hugged, I felt this swell of emotion rising. I would cry if I didn’t tug it back down. I hadn’t expected to be emotional, just happy. I drank in her face and marveled at how her eyes can still swallow me whole.
We sat down and began the catch-up. How are all the kids? What are you involved in? How was your Thanksgiving? Didn’t take long before we got into what I deem the only thing worth taking time for—Where are you with the Lord, and what are your struggles and joys? More emotion.

Rae and I are doing really well, so what we had to share was mostly about how great our kids are doing and how grateful we are for the downpour of blessing our whole lives have been. I realized afresh that You’ve been washing my feet my entire life. It is not even in me to begin knowing how to live a life that thanks You for that.

Carrie is another story. There is heartache with her family, both extended and immediate, so every time she related a situation, I’d tear up, especially when she did. It’s hard for me not to ask clarifying questions when someone’s relating something. I’m so visual that I don’t get it if I don’t see it. It’s also important to respect someone’s right to finish a sentence without being interrupted. I knew I would leave, and a hundred questions would pop up on the way home. Thank goodness for email.

What blessing in the extreme to have so little time and yet still connect in matters of the heart. What a satisfaction to have communion with two souls I have not been able to meet with in a long, long time. Time and distance have no foothold there in the spirits of those who are His own. Thank Ya, JEEsus!

We talked about our class reunion next year and whether or not we wanted to go. Noneof us wanted to go, all for different reasons. Rae feels chubby, Carrie’s tired of going by herself, and I figure I already keep in touch with the people I want to, so there’s no draw in it for me. However, after getting an email from Jerri Sue saying she’s going, I’m reconsidering. I haven’t seen her in 20 years.

Carrie got the check, her treat. Rae brought a fat jar of jam for each of us. I got peach apricot, and Carrie got strawberry. Wish I could do that from time to time. It’s really such a kind and generous-hearted gift. Me, I brought pics of me and mine, even of the house, the dog, my cat, and a couple of the horses. Cyndi’s friends gave. Cyndi took. Story of my life. I’ll get over it.

Carrie was the first to leave. She wrapped her long coat around her tall, slender body, and I kissed her on her blond head and hugged her to me, wishing for just one more hour. “We should do this at least every six months,” she said. At first I thought That’s so long. But then I realized it was pretty realistic. Six months goes by quickly. My oldest son was just ten, but he turned 21 yesterday.

Rae and I visited for ten more minutes, and I was able to ask her more about her dad, who’s in a long term residence. I love the way she talks. There’s something Cupie Doll about her that’s absolutely adorable. But we both had to go, so she donned her scarlet coat and we hugged goodbye.

I walked away with a full tummy, a full heart, and a mind full of memories, questions, and a couple of comments I’d wanted to share but forgot to. These friends of mine are like rooms in my heart, which is a palace. I don’t enter every room of my palace every day, but I know they’re there, and I can go in when I want. They are beautiful, wonderfully unique, with their own fragrance and atmosphere and decor. The scarlet thread that weaves us together is the One whose presence we are actually enjoying as we pour into and receive from one another the heavenly Sweetness that is His Spirit.

For 90 minutes, I left the land of me-me-me, and my soul basked in tropical trade winds that swept me warmly into others’ far off lands, brought close for one moment. A lovely new ornament of remembrance to savor in their rooms in my heart. Thank You... †

graduating already

Mine is the mantra of parents everywhere with a child graduating: How did they grow up so fast...?

I've been uploading pics to Photobucket so I can make room on my hard drive, and I came across these old pics of Ryrie and his buddy, Kyle. They were so loud and rambunctious, full of spit and vinegar. They were chummy one minute and mad at each other the next. They were so much alike.

Miles and time have separated them, and they're not the close friends they once were. But they're still congenial, and I'm glad for that. I probably remember their closeness more than they do, so I'm all the more grateful for the pics.

To Friendship!

Tricia

I went into a store that I frequent 3-4 times/year and saw not one, but two of the proprietors there working, an older lady and her grown son. I hadn't seen the daughter for a long time, and I asked the lady, "How's Tricia?" She bent in a little closer and asked, "I'm sorry, what?" I repeated, "How's Tricia? your daughter...?" and I pointed to her picture on the wall. She stammered a bit, her eyes unsure, and then she said so very quietly, "Oh... I guess you didn't hear............ Tricia died." I couldn't have been more stunned if she had suddenly slapped my face. "When.........?!" I could feel tears forming, and I was helpless to push them back. "About a year and a half ago." She said it with such a sense of compassion for me.

She asked how I knew her, and I told her just from the store and then seeing her in town sometimes during the ski season. I was weeping by now. She asked if I knew she was sick, and I didn't. I told her I loved how approachable she was, how she always asked about my kids, and just how pretty she was. She replied, "Yeah, that was the great thing about Tricia. She always remembered everything about everybody."

Apparently, she contracted a debilitating lung condition when she worked in a dry cleaning business a few years prior. She battled it, but it finally killed her. She was 32. "She has a twin, so if you ever see someone who looks just like her, don't be shocked," her mom told me with a tender smile. Her son stood nearby, a blank look on his face as he kept his eyes on his mom. Unable to control my grief, I apologized several times and left the store in a full-on cry. It came on bigger than life, and I couldn't stop sobbing until I was almost halfway home. My eyes were red and puffy, I'd run out of Kleenex, and my mind went sepia.

There were all these questions! How long did she suffer? Would I have gone to her funeral if I'd known about it? What did she love? What did she hate? Who was her best friend? Whose wedding was it in that picture with her in it on the wall that I just pointed to? What was her favorite color? song? ice cream flavor? Was she saved? When was her birthday? Am I even spelling her name right? Why can't I stop crying? I don't even know her last name, and I'm grieving like I've lost my sister.

I still don't really know why my response was so intense, why I felt such a profound loss for someone I didn't even know. She never talked about herself--she always asked about me. I do know that I can experience a great affection for people rather quickly. My emo scale is off the charts most days, so I operate in impossible highs and lows. All I know is that Tricia is someone I really wished I could've known and been friends with, and I wish I would've let her know how she'd endeared herself to me. She blessed me while she was here, she touched my life and made it a little warmer. So I will miss you, Tricia. You made a difference.

Post Script: I wrote a letter to her and posted it on her headstone in the lower right corner there. I know I did it for me, and it really did help to write it, to go to the cemetery, find her, and spend some time there. She was a beautiful soul whose fragrance I only appreciated after it was too late to tell her.

Ya-Yas

There are friends, and there are FRIENDS. These Ya-Yas of mine are the kind who get under the skin and attach themselves to places you didn't even know you had. Then they show up at the most unexpected times with words that wrench, sear, tug, melt, moisten, topple, or entwine my innards. All unawares...

Take my Tina for instance... just the thought of her face can make me smile out loud. There is a childlike quality about her questioning, but also--and disconcertingly--there is a wisdom of the ages. It can be a wild & adventurous combination.

There is my Jewelee... aaahhhhhhhh... This one shares my DNA. Together we have 3/4 of a mind. We can finish each other's sentences. Our intimacy used to create an envy of sorts at one time in some of the others. We've come to terms with our oneness and know that no matter how long we're apart, no matter the horrendous experiences (and there have been doozies!), no matter the time we've not spoken, we are still together, and one. I have no other like her. She is my Gift.

Glenice makes me laugh with almost every memory! She cartwheels through airports just so the bored employees have something to look at! She runs out of the bathroom topless just so the knocking one can have in! She builds outhouses and firepits with her bare hands and fixes the car herself. She can draw blood and analyze it as well as she can coach a gold medal soccer team. All these accomplishments aside, it is her insides that draw me and keep my heart. She is compassion on wheels and fiercely loving. Her loyalty is unequaled, her persistent heart offerings unmeasurable. She is her Abba's, and He is her beloved.

Cheryl and I are SO different. Sometimes I think we're from different planets with neither of us being from this one. She makes me think. She directs me to God, and I want to know Him so very much better. We seem to do the best one-on-one in person. I think and speak in terms of feelings and sensings and vague familiarities, but she is very concrete and analytical. Someone told me that she hugs in order to get love, but I rather believe this is not true. I believe she might benefit from that hug, but it's the safest, surest, most direct word from God, through her, to the huggee. She is intelligent, well-read, passionate, trusting, fun, and lovable.

I'll write more of the remaining Ya-Yas when I am so inspired. That's one thing we understand about one another--we will not be guilted into doing something that our Abba does not ask. When it comes, it comes. If not, we either wait, or get over it.

Every girl would be as blessed as I am with even one of these women, so... grateful am I to have to have six!

just to say

This was a fun memory. So glad we took the time to take the pic at the last minute. I miss you. I'm always missing you. Always more than you can miss me. I think I will always miss you.

From a Friend

This is a message I got from that friend I mentioned:

You are incredible. Don't give up. Our struggles are the same: getting it, losing it, getting it again, looking at it, wanting to give it to others, being rejected, losing it, getting it again, ruminating on it, loving it, floating in it, new test, getting it, losing it, getting it again, looking at it, wanting to give it to others, being rejected, losing it, getting it again, ruminating on it, loving it floating in it, living it, losing it...

I will respond in detail later. LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU ARE THE FRIEND EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE BUT I’M GLAD YOU'RE MIIIIIINE!!!

Now how encouraging is THAT?! Words like these inspire me to pray that I might one day be the person she thinks I am...