offense, defense, and the truth

Before

Do you know how much damage can be done when you expect to be the Center of someone's universe? Do you realize how complicated you make it when your level of expectation exceeds Reason? Where is this Grace you preach...? Where is this Love you speak of...?

You are so young. But you have experienced a great deal:  Depth. Life. Miracles. Grief. Sorrow. Confusion. Complication. Tenderness. Courage. I don't consider that lightly. But this is a wounding thing you've done.

This seems to be three steps forward, three steps back. This no longer seems worth it to me. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not much in the scheme of things because I would no doubt make this situation worse than it already is. I thought I knew your heart. Obviously I don't. I got caught presuming.

When Mary's heart was pierced through, did anyone remember the prophecy? Did she even, until the midst of it? To see your child suffer is a grief no parent can bear in a lovely way. It stinks. It's a mountain of misery, and more often than not, this mother's knee jerk reaction is to slap at the hornet rather than to be still and know that He is God, at work, alive, revealing...


After

Psalm 103:11-12 was written on a note left for me in the kitchen. “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great are His mercy and loving-kindness toward those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

I needed a fresh reminder of my own sin and level of unreasonable expectation.  If I find that I am unwilling to forgive, if I have uttered the words, “How could you…” then I need the tender revelation once again of which world I belong to. The rules and tools of that other world have no function or place , like using a tennis ball to build a house, or a sock to magnify. The rules of the Kingdom, of the Overcoming Life, are the tools of the Redeemed—humbled at being saved, forgiven, and given the scandalous privilege of walking as Daughter or Son, that to walk in any other manner than that of Abiding is not an option.

Where is this Grace I preach if it does not begin with me? Where is this Love I speak of if it isn't seen immediately in my own life? I have been forgiven of far worse, and so I drop the stones I would hurl in a red hot hurry as I acknowledge that my board is greater than your sliver. I sincerely
wish you sweetness and roses as you bear with your self in this walk as we all must. xo

Psalm 32:6-8  For this forgiveness let everyone who is godly pray—pray to You in a time when You may be found; surely when the great waters of trial overflow, they shall not reach the spirit in him. You are a hiding place for me; You, Lord, preserve me from trouble, You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance.  Selah.  I, the Lord, will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.

[I wrote this after someone shattered the heart of one of my children.]

divine encounter

I saw a friend as I was leaving the checkout counter of Safeway, and when I said hi I immediately knew something was wrong. I asked if she was okay, and without much thought, said "No."

Her insides were raging and twisting in reaction to a great offense done to her and her two boys. As I listened, it wasn't that I could relate personally to the injury as much as I felt an all-consuming compassion. I know what wanting to retaliate and backlash feels like. I listened to her anger, her logic, her history with this offender, and remembered well my own. She was on a hunt for this guy, and this was the third place she'd looked.

I told her, "It's no coincidence that you haven't found him. I don't think God wants you to. Right now everything you're feeling is horizontal--it's all about you and him," and I gestured back and forth with my arm. "What He wants is for you to to make it all about Him and you," and I lifted my arm up and down. "I'm not saying this is what I do or that it's easy, but that's where this needs to go."

I am not known for my counsel. I'm a listener and someone who comes alongside. No one asks me for advice, and if it is asked, doesn't get followed. (shrug) That's just the way it is. I also do not confront people. I hide or avoid or make nicey nice in public, but I don't tell people what they oughta do. So... I know this was God's word for her. He put me where she was so she could hear Him because I'm a safe place for her.

It only took one minute for her to receive that and to accept that this was a divine appointment. A church friend, an elderly man, passed us, and right away she told him, "She told me Truth, and she's keeping me accountable!" Being STP (slow to process), it wasn't until this moment that I realized Jesus had just taken place. Emmanuel--God With Us--was right here, right now, right then, inside us, in front of us, the whole thing intended to reveal Jesus, who is Truth.

It is an extremely humbling and incredible thing to be used by God. To have been a container and a medium for His communication to a hurting Child is an other-worldly experience, and I will never forget this.

Well, until senility creeps in, but that's another post.

Fear or Yield

"Look at us. We're so afraid of each other."

Those were the words of my friend last night. She's renewing her wedding vows next Tuesday, and only being allotted 50 guests, they whittled the list down, inviting only the people with which they both had comfortable relationships. But yesterday after looking out across the seating area, envisioning the guests, she could not imagine looking out during this most momentous occasion and not seeing every one of the faces of the girlfriends who had come to know, love, and experience her. Not all the Ya-Yas were invited. In fact, only two.

She called me for input on an email she had composed to explain why only two were invited, and then go on to make an invitation to one and all. Had I heard from the ones who hadn't been invited? Were they offended? Was she just projecting? Would there be further offense when they read that it was adults only? And how would the hostess feel about their going well beyond 50...?

Disturbing to me was the fact that despite the closeness the seven Ya-Yas once shared, here we were five years later asking the same questions we asked in high school--Did I hurt her feelings? Do I apologize for doing something I felt was right at the time? Will we ever be close again?

We are still so afraid of each other. Deep down, we all bear the fear of rejection. We enjoyed a camaraderie and closeness envied by all the other women in our lives. And yet, when it comes right down to it, we never really developed an intimacy much different than that of other groups. How very sad...

Believers, of all people, have an opportunity the world does not to share an intimacy not of this world. In Christ, we are not free to sin, but free to not sin. How vitally life-changing it would be for us and for those in our everyday lives if we lived like we believed this! In recognizing our own poverty, we are free to embrace the deficiency in others, thereby entering into the companionship of beggars.

Offense is only one of the tools the enemy uses as a multi-pronged knife to slash God's lambs. But when we allow the blade to stay in, permit it even deeper entry, it becomes our choice to hold the dagger's handle, twist it, and when time comes for dislodging, if gangrene hasn't already set in, the disemboweling leaves us chewed up, torn apart, poisoned, disfigured, and wretched.

I speak to me firstmost in this: Children of the Living God, is the life of the Son of God in you getting the chance to manifest His holy innocence, simplicity, and oneness with the Father? If you do not desire that, then pray for the desire. When was the last time you wanted to give up something you had a "right" to? We have enough to defend against in this world. Let us look to how we can be comfort, compassion, and life to one another since we have at our disposal all the power that raised Christ from the dead.

Bend the neck. Bow the knee. Lift your hands. Asking is a rule of the Kingdom. Servanthood is our exclusive privilege as Christians. Jesus is at the ready for you with the basin and the towel.