Brain busyness. And my mom.

The Walk theme verse is right there in today's Joy & Strength! (Luke 24:32)

My head is still filled with images careening around, competing for attention. The cacophony demands to be addressed at certain times, and I can't wait for the calm that comes with time when all the rice has settled around the walnuts (click here for an explanation if that's unfamiliar). Come to think of it, that's not even an accurate visual, but that's how my brain's been acting lately! At least I can blog about it now. I'm still fatigued from the sleeping three nights in a strange place. Well, I think that's what it's from...

I still have thank you notes to mail. I want to personally thank everyone who took the time to get notes of encouragement and inspiration to me. That was really great. I looked forward to that. Plus we got candy and chatzke too. Fun.

My mom called in the middle of my quiet time, all full of fear. Dad was so frustrated talking to a serviceman about Mom's VCR, and in trying to manage three remotes and the phone, he spoke into a remote two different times. She tried to tell him he was talking into the wrong thing, but he told her to be quiet. (In fairness, she often asks questions while he's in the middle of a conversation.) She said she's never felt so sorry for him, all confused like a little boy. She future trips about him getting Alzheimer's, which terrifies her.

Actually, I think she was really feeling sorry for herself because seeing him like that filled her with such great fear and dread, not that that's something she could probably understand. She wakes up sometimes and is so afraid that she'll find him dead. I told her that satan wants her to be afraid and when she prays, to pray for a trusting heart and for the fear to be removed by trusting in God's perfect, fear-slaying love. She cried... For the first time ever, my mom asked me to pray for her, that the Lord would heal her of this horrible state of always being afraid. This is BIG.

I was sitting there reading Psalm 55, and as she was laying out her prayer request, my eyes fell to verses 4 and 5--perfect. "My heart is grievously pained within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come upon me; horror and fright have overwhelmed me." Then verse 22 is there to call for action. "Cast your burden on the Lord, releasing the weight of it and He will sustain you; He will never allow the consistently righteous to be moved, made to slip, fall, or fail."

O, please, Lord, lift up my mom out of this pit of fear that tangles her insides and robs her of the simplest peace. Envelop her in Your life-giving arms and breathe solace and comfort into her heart. Grant my dad a clear mind and a gentle tongue. Press them together and against Your heart. In Jesus' name.

In finishing up my reading, I turned to Psalm 145. I read verse 18 and thought That's my bracelet verse! Hey, that's in 165! ...................... Wait, there IS no Psalm 165! All this time I've been thinking it was in a psalm that doesn't even exist! Derrr..........

Fear or Yield

"Look at us. We're so afraid of each other."

Those were the words of my friend last night. She's renewing her wedding vows next Tuesday, and only being allotted 50 guests, they whittled the list down, inviting only the people with which they both had comfortable relationships. But yesterday after looking out across the seating area, envisioning the guests, she could not imagine looking out during this most momentous occasion and not seeing every one of the faces of the girlfriends who had come to know, love, and experience her. Not all the Ya-Yas were invited. In fact, only two.

She called me for input on an email she had composed to explain why only two were invited, and then go on to make an invitation to one and all. Had I heard from the ones who hadn't been invited? Were they offended? Was she just projecting? Would there be further offense when they read that it was adults only? And how would the hostess feel about their going well beyond 50...?

Disturbing to me was the fact that despite the closeness the seven Ya-Yas once shared, here we were five years later asking the same questions we asked in high school--Did I hurt her feelings? Do I apologize for doing something I felt was right at the time? Will we ever be close again?

We are still so afraid of each other. Deep down, we all bear the fear of rejection. We enjoyed a camaraderie and closeness envied by all the other women in our lives. And yet, when it comes right down to it, we never really developed an intimacy much different than that of other groups. How very sad...

Believers, of all people, have an opportunity the world does not to share an intimacy not of this world. In Christ, we are not free to sin, but free to not sin. How vitally life-changing it would be for us and for those in our everyday lives if we lived like we believed this! In recognizing our own poverty, we are free to embrace the deficiency in others, thereby entering into the companionship of beggars.

Offense is only one of the tools the enemy uses as a multi-pronged knife to slash God's lambs. But when we allow the blade to stay in, permit it even deeper entry, it becomes our choice to hold the dagger's handle, twist it, and when time comes for dislodging, if gangrene hasn't already set in, the disemboweling leaves us chewed up, torn apart, poisoned, disfigured, and wretched.

I speak to me firstmost in this: Children of the Living God, is the life of the Son of God in you getting the chance to manifest His holy innocence, simplicity, and oneness with the Father? If you do not desire that, then pray for the desire. When was the last time you wanted to give up something you had a "right" to? We have enough to defend against in this world. Let us look to how we can be comfort, compassion, and life to one another since we have at our disposal all the power that raised Christ from the dead.

Bend the neck. Bow the knee. Lift your hands. Asking is a rule of the Kingdom. Servanthood is our exclusive privilege as Christians. Jesus is at the ready for you with the basin and the towel.