What are you doing today?

• Q. What are you doing today?

1. I am:

• capitalizing on the leisure of this day.

o contemplating the sanctuary of that place of Him&me.

o examining my blessings.

o considering how I can bless someone else today.

o wondering at His love for me.

o asking Him to bring me to Life and to see His holiness. I want to be better than I am today. WAY better. But that’s another thread…

o listening to my new Bebo Norman cd.

o waiting for the phone calls & cards that will come (Bettie Boo…?)

o thanking Him for truly wonder-full family & friends.

o learning how to operate my new digital camera.

o rereading my birthday cards.

o reflecting on Kev's love & devotion as similar to my Abba’s.

o wishing him a very good day.

o wanting our water situation and NOW dryer fixed.

o praying for the ones He brings to mind.

o trying not to think of myself selfishly, to live in humility.

o thinking of Paula as she undergoes back surgery & remembering that today is her birthday as well.

o drinking in the faces of my children in their pictures on the stair wall, one current, one when they were little.

o enjoying the quiet, the view, the freedom.

o eager for the thing that will move me into the lane where I am journeying rightly rather than the wrongly way of now.

o letting the dogs come in the house just because.

o playing the good tapes in my mind.

o eating & drinking what sounds good (e.g., chicken salad & a vanilla latté with caramel sauce).

o puzzling over my obstinacy & dull vision.

o psyching up for work tomorrow, followed by 2 days of watching li’l Josiah.

o watching expectantly for God-hugs.

o trusting Kathy’s vacation this week is both fabulous & relaxing

o having fun with fonts by inventing names of businesses with fonts that reflect that industry, in the in between time as I compose this.

o wondering if Tina will call so I can read her this list because for once, I am ready for this question.

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

2-Day Anniversary

This is my 2-day anniversary.

Had a hard day on Tue. Struggled and strained and prayed off & on all day. Didn’t want to talk, which probably made it no fun for Kev when we all went to town, but I just didn’t want to talk. Everything I was thinking about and feeling all made me feel bad, and to voice it out loud and hash it out made me want to throw up. So I just kept quiet and mulled things over myself. Sometimes I wouldn’t be thinking of anything, just sort of a brown-out in my brain. By the time evening came, I was ready to go to bed by 10, and with NO sleep aid.

Found out from Joan yesterday that Tue. was a high holy day for Muslims. Her own kids had a real hard day. She herself woke up feeling an oppression and couldn’t figure out why she was so depressed, so concerned, and couldn’t shake the oppression in the air. She & Mike had a big, long talk about things, but she said she must’ve prayed 100 times that day. When she told me this, it was like a personal arrow with a message to my heart. Not only had I come through that day with NO anesthetic, but Kev & I had no fights, none of us were at each other’s throats… y’know, some of the typical stuff that happens on a full moon. My God is ALL-POWERFUL!!! The enemies of our souls at work like a Superbowl event to uproot, confuse, disengage, apathize (my word), and otherwise wimp out, wipe out, and whack out the beloved of the God of Jesus. And to no avail!!! HALLELUJAH!!! Thank You, Jesus!!! Praise You, Abba Father!!!

Today I am still not the happy girl I was five years ago, but that’s all right because I know I don’t belong here. This place is not my home. But I belong to One whose Power and Love are not only bigger than the devil’s greatest plans, but small enough to touch my heart in a personal and tender way. He speaks to me in my love language and bends like a gentle giant to love on me right where I am.

I might be discouraged about my health, but there are better things to dwell on now. Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” The New Century Version says, “Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want.”

Daddy, I want You. I want to know You and the power of Your resurrection—and as You will it and supply the grace to endure it—the fellowship of Your sufferings.

I am melancholy most of the time. Please direct my thoughts to someone other than ME. I am mindful that You will ask me one day, “Did you love the ones I gave you?” And I so want to be able to answer, “Yes. You helped me and reminded me and gave me the tools and the grace, so yes, I loved the ones you gave me.”

I think of Anita, who has no regrets looking back on raising her kids. She gave everything and determined to do her best with the ones you gave her.

I think of Sandy & Dan who were just graduating their third and last child from high school last year when You asked them to adopt two 5 & 6 yr old sisters. They said Yes.

I think of Joan who has the thorn of diabetes and is the victim of an unhealthy weight because of it. You asked her to love the ones You put in her path, and Lord, I have seen her do that with such embrace & experienced it from her that I am never mindful of her weight when I’m with her, but instead I enjoy the fragrance of Christ and the grace of being seen for who I will be and not what I am right now.

I think of my Ya-Yas who have been there for me these past 6 or 7 years--I can’t even remember. They’ve seen me at my worst, hoped for my best, lavished me with all their various kindnesses, and refused to let any of us resign as Ya-Yas.

Lord, thank You for Your faithful ones. They provide inspiration and example for me and who knows how many others...

…~*~…~*~…~*~…~*~…~*~…

Come to think of it, as I come to know the likes and dislikes of my closest friends, I consider that if they don’t like, say, a lack of eagerness in Christians to tell others about the Gospel, then since I’m that way, they don’t like that about me, and I am diminished in their eyes. That makes me want to hold back, to keep quiet about who I really am because they already don’t like that about me so I try not to give them anything more.

See how much I NEED You to direct my thoughts to someone besides ME?!

This study we’re doing on Inside Out encourages us to step out of that sin of self-protection and enter into the risk that You have allowed to come to us, for the purpose of exchanging real Life, something he calls Soul Talk. I know Cheryl is the biggest cheerleader of this study. She not only yearns for our time of being together, but the material itself is of such import because it is the message You were trying to speak to her those eight or so years ago (but she ran in fear). Lord, remind me to enter into the risk of what You allow, to be inspired by her return to you. XO

my bigg badd Friend

Does it seem to anyone else that so often the thing in my life where I start feeling I'm making some headway is the very next thing that gets criticized or put down...? I know someone out there has it in for me and knows just where to strike. Fortunately, I have a bigg badd friend Who only lets the bad stuff go so far. Thanks, Daddy. I know You're here... or there... well, everywhere, and You've got my back. Well, and my front and my sides and my INsides... Anyway, thank You for yesterday. You were all over us.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Everybody's down with green today. No pinching allowed. In fact, it's even a law at the middle school. Leprechauns must've created the pinching grief since it's the type of mischief that's annoying and inconvenient, but not actually full-on malicious and tragic.

I wish you the wonder and singular happiness of finding a genuine four leaf clover at least once in your life.

Oh, yeah--Go, Zags!

Small Sweetnesses

The older I get, the more sweetness I find in small things.

Someone handed me a little potted flower last night. She gave them out to a lot of a people, so it wasn't a gesture with a lot of premeditated consideration behind it, but I was still so blessed. Could be that it massaged my love language--Gifts--but I found a sweetness in receiving the modest plant all the same.

My husband left a short little note for me on the counter. I had to fix the electric fence that was obviously not working since my horse was sticking his entire head and neck through it, so I buzzed out there while they finished getting themselves off to school. I found it when I came back in, a silent testament to a love that sings out to me every single day. I put it inside my Bible.

Joey's coming back next week!!! College kids across America are going home for spring break. It's a common occurrence, nothing monumental, but for my motherheart--it's a sweet, sweet, sweet thang! I can't wait... I miss him so much. I miss his voice, his handsome face, his witty one-liners, the challenging conversations with his dad that I can't contribute to but love overhearing, the sight of him standing with his arms wide open and slightly bowed so I can just step in and be hugged. My son is coming back home. It's only for a week, and he'll be gone for a couple days of it even, but every morning he's here, I know I'll do the same thing I did every morning during Christmas break--wake up to the lovely whisper in my head, "Joey's in the house," smile, and think of what I can do to bless him that day... The sweet nearness of someone whose life you cherish... Thank You.

Signs of Life

When I'm troubled by my selfishness or pride, when I become disgusted with my behavior, when I turn to You in fear and pain over the condition of my soul, in all gentleness and mercy, You whisper to me again, "The fact that you're troubled, that you're irritated, that these things bother you--you're not falling away--those are signs of Life."

My short term memory is becoming a concern, but at least for right now, I'm comforted to know that it is my soul's reflex to run to You. Perhaps in the future it is this reflex that will direct me back to Grace and Truth when my poor little memory has shrunk like a raisin.

Parker

We had to say goodbye to our old dog on the fourth. We all knew the day would come, but that didn’t make it any easier. I sobbed as I pet him while he lay there on the sidewalk. He was obviously uncomfortable, and I prayed hard for some relief. I couldn’t bear to see him suffer. We all took turns saying goodbye and choking back the tears.

His stay in our family came into question when he was one. We put an ad in the paper, and a family almost took him, but declined at the last minute. We even came close to shooting him ourselves when he got our purebred female pregnant so soon after her first litter! It was Joey’s pleas that saved his life. Parker became his dog after that.

I like puppy breath, but he lost his way earlier than most dogs. Bad breath—no, horrible breath—was his hallmark.

His sweetness was utterly endearing though. He truly was the sweetest thing—not a mean bone in his big ol’ body.

He’s buried with his pillow beside a beautiful creek in Newport. Slumbering away these last two years, more and more toward the end, it’s a perfect spot for such a calm—and calming—friend.

This is an excerpt from a poem my dad wrote for us.

I'm sad I have to leave you,
But so glad I was your friend,
You all loved and made me special,
I was happy to the end

My pain became a measure,
telling me it's time to go,
I feel thepain of leaving,
But I know that you do too.

I still find long blonde hairs on the rug from his tail. At first it made me bawl, but now I smile and reflect on the love and devotion he showed me. such unconditional love... We can’t be touched by that without being changed in at least some small way. There’s an eternalness about that kind of love.

d – o - g

G – o – d

Heart Tears

When I tell someone something of what they mean to me, I can't help it--I tear up. This always happens when I share from the place where I am really and truly Me. There's a transaction of Life that occurs when I offer the words. It's as if they are a very part of Me, containing some essence of who I am, enrobed in my innermost personality, and they carry an eternal quality. They are something given away and offered in the language of God, and yet not without blooming Life in Me as well.

I tell you that your sweet, sweet song makes my heart swell and soar and worship in spirit and truth... May you be blessed in your deeps as I have been.

I Love This Song

"May the Words of My Mouth"

By Tim Hughes

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways

Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

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Happy Valentine's Day, Lord... XO